Who I want to be, and why I want to be him

The other night like most of the nights I was expecting, yet a another painful dreamless night. But very disturbingly I did dream, and the dream went like this...
I saw the world through the eyes of a journalist, the first image I remember form that strange dream, was the image of a plane landing in this sort of a grand, green prairie of tall grass, a prairie that was surrounded, almost like besieged from every side by the dark green tropical forest. The sun was high in the blue sky, then some clouds came, dark black clouds, there was a strong contrast between the dark green of the land, and the dark black of the clouds above the forest's head. Clouds dark black, clouds that where like a sign, a sign of troubled times ahead, of tension. The young journalist got off the plane, and he took a deep breath, I could feel the tension that was rising through out his vines, I could feel that scare that was taking control of him, I knew that some thing was wrong about this place, something was mysterious about this place. He took a deep breath and filed his lungs with the hot air, you know like the hot summer air, the hot summer air just before thunder strikes.
He got out of the plane and in the distance, in the middle of the grand green desert, stood a sign, on which was written these words "Welcome to the Bongo", the sign was covered with bullet marks. He got off and two men, white men came to see him, and in the eyes of one I saw myself some years from now, they didn't say their name, they just said hello. Together with the journalist they took off guarded by what looked to be "Blue Helmets". We penetrated in to the darks of the forest, we could see nothing, and ache and every step, it just got worse, to a point that the light became green, and a fear fulled our hearts. Then the man, through who's eye's I could see myself said "it will, still be a long walk, and the area's fulled with rebels, so you better get moving." I didn't know what really was the situation in the country of "Bongo", but I thought that it must of been like any modern situation in Africa, a rebellion against the central power, a rebellion that started with good causes, but then that became corrupt. A rebellion that had started for the people, and which lately turn against the so called enemies, the others. I was sure that it had to be one of those situations, in which neighbours, friends where turned against one another because they where "different", and that their "differences" where so strong that they couldn't live together. But in the end I knew that it was one of those situations, in which the war was so total, a situation in which the brutality of war was so high, that the sword and the bullet did not make any differences, what was in front of it, or caught between them was dead.
After hours of walking amidst the green jungle, finally the man that everyone just called N, said "ok let's make camp at the top of that mountain". From the top of that mountain we could see all the valley, the great river, and the clear sky, and yet amidst this securing nature, none could sleep....
The next day got up early at the sound of gun fire, N got up and said "I just knew it, they're coming, they're coming, we got to get back to the camp..... NOW.....", for a very long time we ran, and ran through out the jungle, we ran and ran, after hours of panic and stress, of fear, finally we got to the top of hill and from the top of hill we could see near a lake surrounded by the dark forest, a camp that looked like, a refugee camp instill the horizon. It was huge it covered all the land, it was only stopped by the lake on it's left. Tents fulled up ache and ever corner, we could see from the top of that hill, that this was no joke, for god sake this was real. You could feel with the wind, you could feel the need, the hope and yet the fear of all these thousands of souls that where banished from their homes. Many of them had left fugitives without anything, many had seen their families killed in front of them, many had ran to the lake as they called it ,with only one hope, the hope that under a UN tent they would be safe.
We got to the camp and N right away went to the barracks (the Bleu Helmet QG), I fallowed him exhausted by the travel. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned, every corner, every body, every face, every heart, was filled with hopelessness, and yet their eyes shined with expectations, with hope, the hope that they here they where safe, like that the hand of the all mighty would protect them from any and everything.
N got to the barracks and told the men to arm themselves, the men where confused, the men didn't understand, one men said that well N was gone to get us, they had received orders from the director to abandon the camp and leave to nearest high land, and only to shoot, to fight the rebels that where coming to massacre all the men, women, kids, babies, all the faithful, if they attack directly the UN mission. "What do we care for this orders??" said N "For god sake these kids I've seen them grow up, I've seen them cry, but lately I've seen they believe and hope" "I remember the first year I came here, a man came, his wife had been raped and tortured and bleed to death in front of his own eyes. But that man put all of that behind him and walked west, walked instill this lake, with the hope that he could accomplish happiness once again. And today he has a wife once again and he has a family.
"And now us like cowards, we are supposed to cut and ran, and leave all these hopes, the hopes of these men and women and kids, the beliefs of this same people that just some years ago, didn't believe in anything, the same people that only some years ago principle goal in life was to survive not to pursue happiness. Are we going to let their hopes, our values be drowned in the blood of these innocent believers? Are we?. We must take, make a stand here, so that the howl world can see that we are not cowards, we are not heartless, and maybe our stand here will make the difference. Maybe our stand here will be an inspiration for the next generations, they will for sure looked back on this historic moment and what? What will they say?"
"Will they say ohhhh just another dark page of history, will they say that once again our actions here justify that being a coward, is being a human being. Will we give yet another argument for the critics, for those pessimists, that believe that all this dark things, all this horribles attitudes are part of the human race. Or will we make a stand here be remember as those that may have perished but those who stood strong, those who stood tall, in front of a certain death. Because if just one child, one child, a child for example whom was born in the slums of Nairobi, is influenced by our stand, and that same child, years later, stands on a stage and in our names calls for peace and for hope. If just one child does that won't it be worth our lives?"
The night soon fell, the night was a red night I remember, they where coming in the early hours of the mourning we could hear them coming, we could hear the rebels come.
They came, amidst the confusion of the battle, I ran, I ran to be tell the story of this heroic stand, of this fight, the one man's fight to save the world, the fight of men who where just men, men who feared death like all of us, but men who sacrificed their lives, for something that was greater then themselves, something that they believed in, those men they died for a cause, for an ideal, the ideal that we weren't are aren't that different. That peace is the only solution, and that if you have to, to sacrifice your life for a rightful cause, then you better damn do it.
I ran and after days of running as a fugitive, I finally found help in a military base, I read the newspaper there. N was dead, killed during the battle, only a handful of people had survived the battle. But the battle had created an up roar through out the world.....
This the is men I want to be, I want to be like N, and give a voice to those that do not have one, I want to go beyond material riches and I want to find greatness in something that is greater then me. I want to fight and die, if needed, for a just cause. I do not want to live in this modern day live, a live in which we have forgotten those basic values, a modern live in which we mess up what's so simple, and in the meantime a child, a innocent child has died because of a terrible civil war, a civil war that was generated by poorness, by need, by hopelessness. I want to bring hope to the darkest places of this earth, I want to bring belief to the unbelievers, I want to bring hope to that child that's dying and even if he does finally dies, I want to be there in his hours of pain, I want to be there for people. Because too many die, and are forgotten amongst the fog of time. I want to pass on my hope, I want to give my love and care to those that need it so badly, I want to be that man called N that gave his life for something he believed in. I want fight instill death if I have to for the right, the right cause, for the right to change this world, the right to make this world a better place. I don't want to famous, I don't like fame, I just want to carry the hope of people, I want to bring hope to those that promised to hope no more. My wish is not to die, no I would love to life a long life, a long life with a wife, a long life, a life in which I could see my children grow up, I would like to live a long life to be there for my wife and my children. But I guess that if I die, I died fighting, if I die and that people notice my death then probably they will engage in the battle to change this world. Because if I don't do it, who will? If we don't it who will?
My dream ended like it started in a very strange way, I found myself in front of the same prairie. There where no dark clouds, there was no smell of death, there where red flowers, red flowers flied the land.
Sky