These past few weeks have been full of revelations on things that trouble a lot of you.
These days, with a world marching ever so quickly to cut its roots off, it is hard to find some sort of sense to ones life. There are those who turn to religion for solace and others who dwell in the miasma of nihilism. I guess when you've given all that freedom of choice to your people you've finally ripped the boundaries off the meaning of life, and so many of us wander aimlessly, looking for some kind of reason.
I was lost in a sea of confusion, wild eyed at these new things floating past me and these things oozing around. I couldn't make sense of my thoughts nor of my speech. I was living some sort of self inflicted schizophrenia. I was fearing for my sanity, wishing for some sort of return to normality for the time limit had long been passed.
Why did I do this to myself? I came close to a world so different to ours, where the unconscious mind paints the canvas of vision while the conscious one tries to make sense of all these things flung at it. So many great revelations flying at the speed of light through my mind, jumbled up with pure nonsense, chairs, feelings, bananas, cartoons, music, space, breaking out of the doors that were only supposed to be opened while sleeping.
Everytime I do it the world makes a little more sense yet a little less sense. I'm sure I was looking for something that would get me away from this world, this world in which I couldn't find much meaning. I tried to obtain that spiritual revelation that so many had told me about.
And so 16 hours later I am still dumbfounded, slightly handicapped, feeling that my head was decapitated but no pain comes, just no link between my head and my body. I was exasperated, on the verge of tears, tears that begged for the one thing I was trying to escape; solid, boring reality. Boring weekends where my idea of fun is making myself crazy.
Suddenly I understood the whole point of it. I was not ready to let go of this sweet reality. I wasn't truly part of those people who had no refuge in reality. This wasn't for me, or at least I couldn't stand it for that long. It wasn't a holiday, it was a waking dream, but dreams are sometimes strange, and you always wake up to barely remembering them. This one made me sick, made me crazy, made me beg for sanity.
In a great rush of hope and awe I saw the greatness of reality and the complexity of the mind, something we shouldn't dwell on too long for it shall never be fully understood. If we were given hands, eyes, noses, mouths and consciousness, it was for a reason, it was to feel this world as it is. The world is a beautiful thing, but some don't have the chance to realise this.
It's up to us to make sense of our own reality. It can be the work of Gods or the work we go to everyday. We should be able to fully enjoy it, for there is so much to give and take in this lifetime.
And I'm going to try something else.
Red
