Books, television, music, painting, drawing, building, cars, politics, sports: a man's got to do what a man's got to do. To turn this damn section of our brain into something constructive. Even better if you throw destruction somewhere in the equation. Because if there's two things a man likes, it's construction and destruction.
Oh how sorrowful it is that we are eternally tied to the tentacles of occupation. Men thrive to reach higher levels of whatever all in the goal to not be left without anything. More so, men seek to be never left alone with their own thoughts.
For what unpleasurable things men will find when they are confronted to the depths of their minds. Eternally running away from or what they can't understand, because incomprehension inevitably breeds frustration and hatred. Men drown their misery in alcohol, bury their shame in great works and jump into cars to run away from what they do not comprehend.
There lies dormant within each of us the silky threads of the spider. In eternal darkness the threads bind, wind and un-wind, forever and ever and ever, and these are mechanisms men fear so much. These same threads are held together by the very subtle balance of what composes a man's mind.
No one wants to truly be aware of this subtle balance we all try to keep up with our grandiose illusions, forever hoping the thread doesn't snap under the weight of some inconvenient truth. Consciousness is thereby punishing, as we are aware of every step we take down the ladder, every move we make through the jungle and those great jumps into the insanity that is our hidden mind.
Clouds and fairytales; some sort of pillar of life that we grab on and from which we kick all those who look behind.
We are animals and we are gods. We stand on this thin line: fall over and you're an animal. Try to fall over the other side and you'll get a wall in your face. And when those who spent their lives looking after some final illusion find none, they split in two: one side falls over and turns into an animal, the other jumps over the wall.
I'm sorry that I'm always such a pessimist, but all this fucking constant anxiety is getting me down.
Red
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Changes
Well, I guess I always get back to this point. I try and escape and run away from all of this. I guess that it just comes back stronger every single time. I try just to live my life, not to think too much; I guess that just the way we live. And yet all these ideas just pop right back up and take control of my head, and I just can't do anything.
Somewhere on my path, I lost myself, and since then I just can't find my way home. I think I know where my home is, but I just can't find it. I walk, probably like the majority of us, on a strange road. I don't know where it leads, I just keep on walking. And I tell you now, this road is frustrating me, and I'm sick of it.
At some point in ones life, we all get to a crossroad, we all get to the end of a road, of a path and we start to question the path and all the things that lay on it, all the decisions we made on that path. I guess the time is upon me to change roads and to change my old ways. That's probably the big problem of this world; that we always talk as a community about change, and how things are so wrong and yet we do nothing to change our ways. Yes it's true, change must first come from the inside, from ourselves. But the question I have today that is slowly killing my mind, taking control of my spirit, is change. Has change ever been more than some words on a blog, or part of a speech? You really want to know what I think? I think that change has never really been more than an assumption, that with words the world will change, and that with time all will change.
That's why tonight I say bye bye, thanks but no thanks to that assumption. No, nothing has changed. Some of it is human nature, that's probably true; maybe it just is human nature. I think it's something that yes, it sure is part of human nature, the fact that words are lighter than acts, and the fact that human beings just don't have the motivation, or just maybe because motivation like everything in this world fades away, with time.
For too long, I've been too sure, for too long I had the idea, that inside my life there was only me. For too long I was an egoist, not thinking about tomorrow, thinking about the present, and not realizing that maybe there was something more to all of this. Sometimes I have flashbacks. Yeah , I knew real people that wanted to change the world, like Mike; well now, Mike's dead, gone forever, his body washed away by the deep darkness of reality. I remember being told that MLK talked about the promised land and never got there because of two bullets and a gun. I know Jesus changed the world in some, but our sins crucified him, and our sins will crucify the Jesus to come and all the other men who bring change. I know my sins crucified them, do you?
Look over there, do you see that woman, that old lady, living out of bags? And there, do you see those poor men, drinking, trying to forget that when they get home they will have no way of feeding their family? Yeah look over there, that poor thing is a woman, society made her go crazy, inside her lays a baby, just another kid that will never get to be the man he wants to be. Once, a man told me "if you put your head to it you can be anything you want to be". Bullshit; I'm frank all this here isn't anything you'll find in a Newsweek tribune or in Times magazine, all this here you'll never find in a politician's speech. But that's the way it is... isn't it, that's just the way it is.
Well I'm sick of that way, I'm sick of not being capable of changing my damn ways. I'm sick of not being there for you brother. And when I say brother, I mean many things. It's time for society to notice, that we're all in this together. I was born in Canada, you in Portugal, maybe you in France, in China, Holland, India etc... anywhere, everywhere, the thing is the place you were born is just random. I could have been born in Somalia, or maybe in Afghanistan, it's just pure chance to have been born here in a place like this one. The walls we put up in between us are invisible, they don't really exist, they're part of our imagination, they're just there to protect us because we're scared of our differences. No this isn't anything like the stuff you'll find on CNN or in Newsweek is it? And yet we know that all of this is true, all these things happen to be facts. We know that all of these things are facts, and we stand here, wait and watch, as day after day stuff just gets more screwed up. 130 dead in Africa this week, racism rising in America. For if there is a thing I understood lately, it's probably that our happiness may not lay in the fate of others, but one thing is sure my fate is linked to yours, be you in Africa or in Asia. I don't even know and still your acts affect me, and my acts affect you, and we have an obligation to one another. All the prophets say that we are all brothers, equal under the glimpse of God above. I might not have much in common with you, but I do have one thing, my future.
And yet I stand here, and I write, and yet the world still churns on wrongly. People still die of curable diseases, people still die because of those invisible walls and of those made up differences. And yet we know the facts, we talk about change. The problem is that we talk about it but we don't reallu trust it, we don't really believe in it. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, and the day never comes, it just stays dark: lights out people. Yeah, that's why I'm getting the hell off this road... and this change is dedicated to three people, to my two brothers (Kieran and Theo: no matter how far you are away from me tonight I hope that through the words of this message the kilometres shall disappear) and the 3rd one I have yet to find. I'll get to that one some day.
And yet I see no changes. I guess it's up to us to make the changes and words reality; I guess we can't ask anything from any one, we've got to flip these to heaven by ourselves. Yeah people, my fight starts here, and until the day I die I promise that I'll never give up this fight. First I'm going to fight myself and open my eyes.
Somewhere on my path, I lost myself, and since then I just can't find my way home. I think I know where my home is, but I just can't find it. I walk, probably like the majority of us, on a strange road. I don't know where it leads, I just keep on walking. And I tell you now, this road is frustrating me, and I'm sick of it.
At some point in ones life, we all get to a crossroad, we all get to the end of a road, of a path and we start to question the path and all the things that lay on it, all the decisions we made on that path. I guess the time is upon me to change roads and to change my old ways. That's probably the big problem of this world; that we always talk as a community about change, and how things are so wrong and yet we do nothing to change our ways. Yes it's true, change must first come from the inside, from ourselves. But the question I have today that is slowly killing my mind, taking control of my spirit, is change. Has change ever been more than some words on a blog, or part of a speech? You really want to know what I think? I think that change has never really been more than an assumption, that with words the world will change, and that with time all will change.
That's why tonight I say bye bye, thanks but no thanks to that assumption. No, nothing has changed. Some of it is human nature, that's probably true; maybe it just is human nature. I think it's something that yes, it sure is part of human nature, the fact that words are lighter than acts, and the fact that human beings just don't have the motivation, or just maybe because motivation like everything in this world fades away, with time.
For too long, I've been too sure, for too long I had the idea, that inside my life there was only me. For too long I was an egoist, not thinking about tomorrow, thinking about the present, and not realizing that maybe there was something more to all of this. Sometimes I have flashbacks. Yeah , I knew real people that wanted to change the world, like Mike; well now, Mike's dead, gone forever, his body washed away by the deep darkness of reality. I remember being told that MLK talked about the promised land and never got there because of two bullets and a gun. I know Jesus changed the world in some, but our sins crucified him, and our sins will crucify the Jesus to come and all the other men who bring change. I know my sins crucified them, do you?
During all of history, people rised, called for change, believed. Yet no matter how much praise we have for them, there is one reality, the reality of failure that describes them all. Yeah Woodstock. Yeah the 1960's. Yeah Marx, and yeah, Malcolm X. Oh and poor Müntzer, the one who believed that a kingdom of heaven on earth was about to come; nothing is about to come.
Look over there, do you see that woman, that old lady, living out of bags? And there, do you see those poor men, drinking, trying to forget that when they get home they will have no way of feeding their family? Yeah look over there, that poor thing is a woman, society made her go crazy, inside her lays a baby, just another kid that will never get to be the man he wants to be. Once, a man told me "if you put your head to it you can be anything you want to be". Bullshit; I'm frank all this here isn't anything you'll find in a Newsweek tribune or in Times magazine, all this here you'll never find in a politician's speech. But that's the way it is... isn't it, that's just the way it is.
Well I'm sick of that way, I'm sick of not being capable of changing my damn ways. I'm sick of not being there for you brother. And when I say brother, I mean many things. It's time for society to notice, that we're all in this together. I was born in Canada, you in Portugal, maybe you in France, in China, Holland, India etc... anywhere, everywhere, the thing is the place you were born is just random. I could have been born in Somalia, or maybe in Afghanistan, it's just pure chance to have been born here in a place like this one. The walls we put up in between us are invisible, they don't really exist, they're part of our imagination, they're just there to protect us because we're scared of our differences. No this isn't anything like the stuff you'll find on CNN or in Newsweek is it? And yet we know that all of this is true, all these things happen to be facts. We know that all of these things are facts, and we stand here, wait and watch, as day after day stuff just gets more screwed up. 130 dead in Africa this week, racism rising in America. For if there is a thing I understood lately, it's probably that our happiness may not lay in the fate of others, but one thing is sure my fate is linked to yours, be you in Africa or in Asia. I don't even know and still your acts affect me, and my acts affect you, and we have an obligation to one another. All the prophets say that we are all brothers, equal under the glimpse of God above. I might not have much in common with you, but I do have one thing, my future.
And yet I stand here, and I write, and yet the world still churns on wrongly. People still die of curable diseases, people still die because of those invisible walls and of those made up differences. And yet we know the facts, we talk about change. The problem is that we talk about it but we don't reallu trust it, we don't really believe in it. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, and the day never comes, it just stays dark: lights out people. Yeah, that's why I'm getting the hell off this road... and this change is dedicated to three people, to my two brothers (Kieran and Theo: no matter how far you are away from me tonight I hope that through the words of this message the kilometres shall disappear) and the 3rd one I have yet to find. I'll get to that one some day.
And yet I see no changes. I guess it's up to us to make the changes and words reality; I guess we can't ask anything from any one, we've got to flip these to heaven by ourselves. Yeah people, my fight starts here, and until the day I die I promise that I'll never give up this fight. First I'm going to fight myself and open my eyes.
In the morning, the cold smoothly rises; I get up and do my stuff. I walk down my street, head to the train, you know I'm Canadian I guess my genes have let me down (messing around, of course): I get really cold in the morning. And every morning I get to the station. There on a bench lays an old man about 50. Each and every morning, I pass him by and think "who knows, one day, that could be me". Most people might think the same thing when they pass him by, but they just pretend that he doesn't exist... That's the problem, that's society's problem, we just pass by stuff, the problems of others because we've got money, so why would we care ? Well no, for my liberty lays in your liberty, our liberty lays in a more general liberty of all. My happiness lays with yours, and our happiness lives only with global happiness. For the problem of some men in this place is a problem for all. The riots in far away lands of Guinea; yes, that's my problem. The genocide in Darfour; yes, that's my problem.
Here's your international moment of zen
Sky
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Left alone in your mind
It's a quiet place, here on the edge of the universe. A place of tranquility and peace away from the turmoil of everyday life. Now, there are no colliding thoughts and emotions, just a certain sense of understanding.
I threw days away in the vague hope of getting nearer to better moments, never thinking that the present could bear equal fruit. There was no peak and no bottom, just the constant flow of trivial affairs.
Is it this easy to accept fate? Can I open up my arms to bring in defeat, just like that? Maybe there will be harder days ahead. Maybe there won't. Maybe defeat is the hardest part of it all and all that is before me now is a flow of bright and hopeful days. Until then.
Until that day. But everything seems so clear now. Maybe I won't have to face that last moment of lucidity. Maybe it's time to give names to that which is ineffable, give them names so that we can be forever and that they may be frozen into eternity.
And now I'm warm all over, back from the palour of rigidity. But what remains is a wake up call back to another reality. The mornings are tough. A few comfortable moments in that half-light before you realise that it's still there.
The twitching, the jerks, the aches, the tension and that nausea, that sense of hopelessness, of eternal isolation. That noise of depression that just can't be ignored.
Now I can't think, can't see, can't hear, can't feel nor exist without that surge of unfamiliar emotions, those inexistant memories, those echoes of a distant world that is clearly not mine. Here I am, a stone in this infinity of rock, yet an isolated alien in this crowd of people.
Tremors bring me back to something that is obviously not eternal but, never the less, is a pain to endure. Some thoughts aren't mine. It seems imagination has now become some incarnation of nemesis set to punish me for my foolish adventures into the realm of unconsciousness. And of course, those delusions. Short lived but truly disturbing. Half awake from intense dreams.
A healthy body for a healthy mind, or vice-versa, I'm not in the state right now to remember correctly. Either way, missing vital parts of your system isn't something that you can easily ignore.
Hence these long weeks (soon to be months?) and this page of lamentation.
I threw days away in the vague hope of getting nearer to better moments, never thinking that the present could bear equal fruit. There was no peak and no bottom, just the constant flow of trivial affairs.
Is it this easy to accept fate? Can I open up my arms to bring in defeat, just like that? Maybe there will be harder days ahead. Maybe there won't. Maybe defeat is the hardest part of it all and all that is before me now is a flow of bright and hopeful days. Until then.
Until that day. But everything seems so clear now. Maybe I won't have to face that last moment of lucidity. Maybe it's time to give names to that which is ineffable, give them names so that we can be forever and that they may be frozen into eternity.
And now I'm warm all over, back from the palour of rigidity. But what remains is a wake up call back to another reality. The mornings are tough. A few comfortable moments in that half-light before you realise that it's still there.
The twitching, the jerks, the aches, the tension and that nausea, that sense of hopelessness, of eternal isolation. That noise of depression that just can't be ignored.
Now I can't think, can't see, can't hear, can't feel nor exist without that surge of unfamiliar emotions, those inexistant memories, those echoes of a distant world that is clearly not mine. Here I am, a stone in this infinity of rock, yet an isolated alien in this crowd of people.
Tremors bring me back to something that is obviously not eternal but, never the less, is a pain to endure. Some thoughts aren't mine. It seems imagination has now become some incarnation of nemesis set to punish me for my foolish adventures into the realm of unconsciousness. And of course, those delusions. Short lived but truly disturbing. Half awake from intense dreams.
A healthy body for a healthy mind, or vice-versa, I'm not in the state right now to remember correctly. Either way, missing vital parts of your system isn't something that you can easily ignore.
Hence these long weeks (soon to be months?) and this page of lamentation.
There's nothing left in me but this vicious cycle of vile thoughts and a deepening sense of despair. But I know how depression works, and it only lasts for as long as you're convinced you're depressed.
Here and now, people, here and now.
Red
Monday, 4 May 2009
Already there
These past few weeks have been full of revelations on things that trouble a lot of you.
These days, with a world marching ever so quickly to cut its roots off, it is hard to find some sort of sense to ones life. There are those who turn to religion for solace and others who dwell in the miasma of nihilism. I guess when you've given all that freedom of choice to your people you've finally ripped the boundaries off the meaning of life, and so many of us wander aimlessly, looking for some kind of reason.
I was lost in a sea of confusion, wild eyed at these new things floating past me and these things oozing around. I couldn't make sense of my thoughts nor of my speech. I was living some sort of self inflicted schizophrenia. I was fearing for my sanity, wishing for some sort of return to normality for the time limit had long been passed.
Why did I do this to myself? I came close to a world so different to ours, where the unconscious mind paints the canvas of vision while the conscious one tries to make sense of all these things flung at it. So many great revelations flying at the speed of light through my mind, jumbled up with pure nonsense, chairs, feelings, bananas, cartoons, music, space, breaking out of the doors that were only supposed to be opened while sleeping.
Everytime I do it the world makes a little more sense yet a little less sense. I'm sure I was looking for something that would get me away from this world, this world in which I couldn't find much meaning. I tried to obtain that spiritual revelation that so many had told me about.
And so 16 hours later I am still dumbfounded, slightly handicapped, feeling that my head was decapitated but no pain comes, just no link between my head and my body. I was exasperated, on the verge of tears, tears that begged for the one thing I was trying to escape; solid, boring reality. Boring weekends where my idea of fun is making myself crazy.
Suddenly I understood the whole point of it. I was not ready to let go of this sweet reality. I wasn't truly part of those people who had no refuge in reality. This wasn't for me, or at least I couldn't stand it for that long. It wasn't a holiday, it was a waking dream, but dreams are sometimes strange, and you always wake up to barely remembering them. This one made me sick, made me crazy, made me beg for sanity.
In a great rush of hope and awe I saw the greatness of reality and the complexity of the mind, something we shouldn't dwell on too long for it shall never be fully understood. If we were given hands, eyes, noses, mouths and consciousness, it was for a reason, it was to feel this world as it is. The world is a beautiful thing, but some don't have the chance to realise this.
It's up to us to make sense of our own reality. It can be the work of Gods or the work we go to everyday. We should be able to fully enjoy it, for there is so much to give and take in this lifetime.
And I'm going to try something else.
Red
Sunday, 12 April 2009
The New World
Today, finally after a long time of absence, after a long time of being lost in the bitter confusion that is this modern life... These last days have been an eye opener for me, the space of time we are living in, probably one of the most important in these last decades. At least since the fall of the wall... Unlike any other post I have done before, in this one I want to try to find a solution, for I can't live like tgus anymore ... Unlike any words I have written before, I want to find a new path, because this path we have walked on for so long, for almost one hundred scores, has come to a hard and brutal end. To understand where we stand today, I must, we must, our generation must understand where we stood, in those years of 1988, 1989, 1990, 91, and 92, because throughout those years unlike any period before, people thought that change was coming, that maybe, just maybe for the better. People thought that with the end of the Cold War, finally the world would be united under one cover of peace. We must understand how people believed back then, that the winds of change where blowing, and that with the force of hurricane would make the old walls of division tumble. We must understand the believe of a generation of human beings, to understand the world we where born into and the opportunity that now lies in front of us, son of the actual crisis.
It was the 7th of June at around 6 o'clock , the year was 1992. Yes I came into this world on that day, in that magical period of time. For sometime in my life I was proud about being born the 7th, because 7 was that magical number, but today I have finally found that it was more the period that was magical, more then a mere number.
On that day I'm sure that many looked up to the sky in pain, and in disgrace. But I have the tendency to the believe the contrary, that on, that day more people around the world looked up toward the sky, with a little bit more hope, I have the belief that, that day some probably more then usual looked up to the sky with a belief, the belief that the world was finally going to change, and that they we're witnessing that change. It was a magical period, really it must of been, after almost 50 years of deadlock "cold war", finally we where seeing the impossible, the once upon a time dream, that was never supposed to come true, become a reality. For the first time in years the whole world seemed united, by a simple handshake. It was there, coming out of every corner, out of every path leaked the belief that a new world was to come.
The sources of that belief was the fall of the communist curtain, and the opening up of all of the old communist countries. One after another the communist regimes fell, and even the great USSR was about to fall. Many times, had men believed that the cold war would end, and yet so many men had died before seeing their prophecy accomplished. Many had believed that one day the wall would fall, but no one believed that it would come so peacefully. I would have loved to be there that day, the day, the wall fell, to see the faces of those people, that had lived in sorrow and desperation for so long, those same faces that not so long ago had believed that, that day they had dreamed of for so long, would simply never come. And yet that day, the day the wall fell the world shifted, the world changed.
And when we, this generation, us the echo-boomers, came into this world at a moment of immense, of enormous hope, a period of history during witch so many believed that the new world was coming. And yet it didn't...
Hope was all over in those first years of the last decade of the 20th century, it was probably unlike anything before, unlike the unrest, unlike the belief that the world had to change, during the 60's, at the start of the 90's there was a similar belief, but the belief was different, the belief wasn't that the world could change, but that the world was changing. In the early 90's people had this belief, that finally after so many fights for change, the world was changing, but it was changing by itself, without the intervention of anything, the world was changing, as if a new rotation had began. I'm sure that on that day, on the 7th of June 1992, we could feel the heat, the heat of a new beginning, of a reborn hope, the heat of a new summer. And that summer did not die out when that show started to fall, on the plains, on the lakes, on the coasts, for the heat of the flame, lived on... Even through the dark cold times of war and genocide that occurred in the middle of the 90's the faith still marched on, a faith that whispered, that dawn was coming, that we could already see the rays of dawn.
And dawn came on the 1st of January 2000, dawn came. I was eight years old at the time and I feel sorry now to not of had cherished the historical moment with full knowledge of what was happening, I was living a moment that, we where living a moment that only a few humans would get to live every 1000 years. I guess that all over the world that day a new wind of hope filed our air. And yet that day past by, they didn't catch that outstanding opportunity that was there in front of them. Months passed, and an election was stolen, the millennium had changed, men stayed the same. And then came that horrid day, the day that made the world doubt, and the world doubted since then. As a result of that doubt two wars where born, nations where broken, lives torn, and yet we where in the 21st century, in the 3rd millennium, and yet....
The clouds, dark clouds came down I guess... And as a young teen, looking back on the glory of the past years I thought, that some how history had came to an end, that somehow everything had came to brutal halt, that we, humanity had fallen into a dark hole that sucked the hope out of us. And so years passed, and yet nothing seemed to have changed...
Years passed, here we stand at exactly the same place in time, a time in which great walls of brick are falling where great walls of brick are being smashed down to the ground, walls that once seemed unbreakable, walls that once seemed would stand between us forever.
In the space of so few years so much has changed it's shocking, in 2001 towers fell, in 2003 a lie made a war, that forever would wound the world. And in 2005 it seemed as if the new millennium would be a millennium of violence and of terror, in which scare would rule. But some how looking at it now, things couldn't have gone a differently, because as an immediate result of this madness people from all over the world, proved that radicalism and fanaticism are not the paths to prosperity. Things turned around just like in the 1990's, instead of the fall of communism we had the fall of "Bushism " the fall of politics that preferred to negotiation, action and violent action, it was also the fall "Talibanism" because since the start of "the war on terror" the Muslim world had seen that actually radical thinkers like the heads of Al-Qaeda are not the solution they are part of the problem they are not bringing peace to theirs homes more so they are bringing death and desolation to every doorstep of the middle east.
From this vintage point looking back on this last decade, one thing is for sure, we have came so far. In 2001 the world was polarized between the axis of evil and what was supposed to b e the free world, but today we are at a real turning point in history.
When the Berlin wall came down, we all know that with it crumbled the communist ideal that had been corrupted by the weight of reality and the weight of men. But let's try to go back to the roots of communism, for the roots of communism there are many they lay at the heart of every great revolutionary thought. They are founded in the teachings of Jesus, and they are founded in Thomas Müntzer's sermon to the princes, they are the ideal that motivated so many puritans and pilgrims to brave the sea and the storms to build with their two own hands a new world. For the roots of every human ideal are the same, for the majority of humans want to build that kingdom of heaven on earth as Thomas Müntzer said.
When the Berlin wall came down that ideal was not washed away, that objective did not fade away, the thing that for a moment seemed to be fading a away was fear, was terror. We all said that when the Berlin wall came down, communism fell. False communism never existed. All ideals are written on paper and most of them never become more then that, and when they do it's in the majority of cases bad.
Today we are at a turning point in world history once again, for finally we do not live in a polarized world, we live in a globalized world in which more then ever now, nations of the third world have their voice. When the Berlin wall fell many people said that we where in a unpolarized world because with the fall of the USSR the USA where the only true superpower, that was true for a time, but a another result of the war on terror, the United States gave up its place as uncontested super power, and other powers emerged, countries like China and India, Venezuela and Brazil, South Africa and the European Union made their voice noticed. And this is a good thing because the world little by little is giving in and is becoming a more "multifaced" world. This diversity is a recent thing looking back to the start of glottalization in the 18th century the European powers ruled the world instill the second half of 20th century and from then on of course it was the the USA and the USSR and the third world had no place, no real weight. But today it seems as if all the world is becoming the third world, a world that doesn't fallow the communist or capitalist ideal, but a third way, a middle way.
Today we have an opportunity, in the years to come I believe that are generation will have that opportunity for the world is remodeling itself at a rapid pace, a new world is being created in front of our eyes, as the result of the defeat of radical capitalism and of the theories of the school of Chicago, as the result of the joint defeat of "Bushism" and "Talibanism", the defeat of the so called war on terror policies, as the result of the election of Barack Obama.
Today we stand for sure at a turning point in history for the theories of the past century have been sent to the grave. We live in a period of immense hope, because we know that day by day we are creating a "new world".
The time has come to let these things aside, the polarized world and the fights of the past, and try to create a new world, a better world, a cleaner world, a more human world. For the possibility lays within our hands it is up to us to not make the same mistakes as in the 1990's.
Sky
This was to serious and too long probably but what the ****
here's your moment of zen after a long period of absence.....
It was the 7th of June at around 6 o'clock , the year was 1992. Yes I came into this world on that day, in that magical period of time. For sometime in my life I was proud about being born the 7th, because 7 was that magical number, but today I have finally found that it was more the period that was magical, more then a mere number.
On that day I'm sure that many looked up to the sky in pain, and in disgrace. But I have the tendency to the believe the contrary, that on, that day more people around the world looked up toward the sky, with a little bit more hope, I have the belief that, that day some probably more then usual looked up to the sky with a belief, the belief that the world was finally going to change, and that they we're witnessing that change. It was a magical period, really it must of been, after almost 50 years of deadlock "cold war", finally we where seeing the impossible, the once upon a time dream, that was never supposed to come true, become a reality. For the first time in years the whole world seemed united, by a simple handshake. It was there, coming out of every corner, out of every path leaked the belief that a new world was to come.
The sources of that belief was the fall of the communist curtain, and the opening up of all of the old communist countries. One after another the communist regimes fell, and even the great USSR was about to fall. Many times, had men believed that the cold war would end, and yet so many men had died before seeing their prophecy accomplished. Many had believed that one day the wall would fall, but no one believed that it would come so peacefully. I would have loved to be there that day, the day, the wall fell, to see the faces of those people, that had lived in sorrow and desperation for so long, those same faces that not so long ago had believed that, that day they had dreamed of for so long, would simply never come. And yet that day, the day the wall fell the world shifted, the world changed.
And when we, this generation, us the echo-boomers, came into this world at a moment of immense, of enormous hope, a period of history during witch so many believed that the new world was coming. And yet it didn't...
Hope was all over in those first years of the last decade of the 20th century, it was probably unlike anything before, unlike the unrest, unlike the belief that the world had to change, during the 60's, at the start of the 90's there was a similar belief, but the belief was different, the belief wasn't that the world could change, but that the world was changing. In the early 90's people had this belief, that finally after so many fights for change, the world was changing, but it was changing by itself, without the intervention of anything, the world was changing, as if a new rotation had began. I'm sure that on that day, on the 7th of June 1992, we could feel the heat, the heat of a new beginning, of a reborn hope, the heat of a new summer. And that summer did not die out when that show started to fall, on the plains, on the lakes, on the coasts, for the heat of the flame, lived on... Even through the dark cold times of war and genocide that occurred in the middle of the 90's the faith still marched on, a faith that whispered, that dawn was coming, that we could already see the rays of dawn.
And dawn came on the 1st of January 2000, dawn came. I was eight years old at the time and I feel sorry now to not of had cherished the historical moment with full knowledge of what was happening, I was living a moment that, we where living a moment that only a few humans would get to live every 1000 years. I guess that all over the world that day a new wind of hope filed our air. And yet that day past by, they didn't catch that outstanding opportunity that was there in front of them. Months passed, and an election was stolen, the millennium had changed, men stayed the same. And then came that horrid day, the day that made the world doubt, and the world doubted since then. As a result of that doubt two wars where born, nations where broken, lives torn, and yet we where in the 21st century, in the 3rd millennium, and yet....
The clouds, dark clouds came down I guess... And as a young teen, looking back on the glory of the past years I thought, that some how history had came to an end, that somehow everything had came to brutal halt, that we, humanity had fallen into a dark hole that sucked the hope out of us. And so years passed, and yet nothing seemed to have changed...
Years passed, here we stand at exactly the same place in time, a time in which great walls of brick are falling where great walls of brick are being smashed down to the ground, walls that once seemed unbreakable, walls that once seemed would stand between us forever.
In the space of so few years so much has changed it's shocking, in 2001 towers fell, in 2003 a lie made a war, that forever would wound the world. And in 2005 it seemed as if the new millennium would be a millennium of violence and of terror, in which scare would rule. But some how looking at it now, things couldn't have gone a differently, because as an immediate result of this madness people from all over the world, proved that radicalism and fanaticism are not the paths to prosperity. Things turned around just like in the 1990's, instead of the fall of communism we had the fall of "Bushism " the fall of politics that preferred to negotiation, action and violent action, it was also the fall "Talibanism" because since the start of "the war on terror" the Muslim world had seen that actually radical thinkers like the heads of Al-Qaeda are not the solution they are part of the problem they are not bringing peace to theirs homes more so they are bringing death and desolation to every doorstep of the middle east.
From this vintage point looking back on this last decade, one thing is for sure, we have came so far. In 2001 the world was polarized between the axis of evil and what was supposed to b e the free world, but today we are at a real turning point in history.
When the Berlin wall came down, we all know that with it crumbled the communist ideal that had been corrupted by the weight of reality and the weight of men. But let's try to go back to the roots of communism, for the roots of communism there are many they lay at the heart of every great revolutionary thought. They are founded in the teachings of Jesus, and they are founded in Thomas Müntzer's sermon to the princes, they are the ideal that motivated so many puritans and pilgrims to brave the sea and the storms to build with their two own hands a new world. For the roots of every human ideal are the same, for the majority of humans want to build that kingdom of heaven on earth as Thomas Müntzer said.
When the Berlin wall came down that ideal was not washed away, that objective did not fade away, the thing that for a moment seemed to be fading a away was fear, was terror. We all said that when the Berlin wall came down, communism fell. False communism never existed. All ideals are written on paper and most of them never become more then that, and when they do it's in the majority of cases bad.
Today we are at a turning point in world history once again, for finally we do not live in a polarized world, we live in a globalized world in which more then ever now, nations of the third world have their voice. When the Berlin wall fell many people said that we where in a unpolarized world because with the fall of the USSR the USA where the only true superpower, that was true for a time, but a another result of the war on terror, the United States gave up its place as uncontested super power, and other powers emerged, countries like China and India, Venezuela and Brazil, South Africa and the European Union made their voice noticed. And this is a good thing because the world little by little is giving in and is becoming a more "multifaced" world. This diversity is a recent thing looking back to the start of glottalization in the 18th century the European powers ruled the world instill the second half of 20th century and from then on of course it was the the USA and the USSR and the third world had no place, no real weight. But today it seems as if all the world is becoming the third world, a world that doesn't fallow the communist or capitalist ideal, but a third way, a middle way.
Today we have an opportunity, in the years to come I believe that are generation will have that opportunity for the world is remodeling itself at a rapid pace, a new world is being created in front of our eyes, as the result of the defeat of radical capitalism and of the theories of the school of Chicago, as the result of the joint defeat of "Bushism" and "Talibanism", the defeat of the so called war on terror policies, as the result of the election of Barack Obama.
Today we stand for sure at a turning point in history for the theories of the past century have been sent to the grave. We live in a period of immense hope, because we know that day by day we are creating a "new world".
The time has come to let these things aside, the polarized world and the fights of the past, and try to create a new world, a better world, a cleaner world, a more human world. For the possibility lays within our hands it is up to us to not make the same mistakes as in the 1990's.
Sky
This was to serious and too long probably but what the ****
here's your moment of zen after a long period of absence.....
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Illusions/ My choices
There are illusions in every fold of a page, every shot of a film and every step we take. There's a masquerade where dancers seduce us to a familiar melody.
Illusions deceive us, they do, but that's when reality strikes. When you realise that that girl staring at you doesn't want anything, you are sunk to the lowest reaches. The years pass by at an alarming rate and all the while all we can do is jump around in the folly of some amusing delusion engendered by the tyrannic power of our imagination: blessed in a life with some meaning, cursed to forever live with a lack of logic.
And emotions, they act and try to explain things that aren't really that way.
But we love those many illusions. We love those shadows on the walls as we kneel, shackled to the scene where men make shapes with various objects. We love those red, green and blue pixels that contrast with those cyan, magenta and yellow pixels. We love those dreams that we take for reflections of a better world in which we desperately try to escape reality.
We are shackled to the pillars of reality and illusions, and only one thing can set us free.
-------------------------------------------
I might have dreamt all the while I filled in that form and put crosses in those boxes. I handed it back to a man who had once taken the same decisions as I did. He's like us all, he's a human, but he's part of them, and so as typical adolescents we evoke his name in derision. I see the creases on his forehead and even though he is supposed to be that great Collossus in a big office with a big suit, I can see in his eyes the trace of a tired life.
I signed the form with my own blood, and only now do I feel I made some sort of mistake. I chose the easy way out, the highway out of a challenge, the way out of a life I could have earned my worth in. And I know, oh how I know that some filled the form like me not to get out of a tough spot, but because they truly wanted to do this, and use this for the life they wanted.
I feel like I don't fit in what I wished to do for now. I feel like my participation to society would only be superficial, written wankery to prove that I'm the most subtle of the thin dicked ugly bastards that amuse old men so that I can feed my family or my ambitions. There should only be few of us. What society needs is those people who sacrifice themselves in the name of human progression. Thankfully we have many men and women up and ready to jump into the fire or bite the bullet in our place so that the rest of us can run along and live our lives as usually.
I may talk to this to a lot of you but most of you just wave to me in an attempt to ignore what I say, or you even try to turn the subject around. I understand you, and I praise that blind determination you all have. I wish I wouldn't think about things like this, but since those realists bitches appeared into my litterary cursus and whined about how the world wasn't represented like it actually was (that's the whole point about art, idiots, getting away from this stale reality) I began to see things differently, and I understand why some of those guys are so sad and disgusted about life. There are moments when a rationalist like me just wants some bright light brutally shone in my face to blind me from things that are around me. What I need is another illusion.
Red
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Who I want to be, and why I want to be him
The other night like most of the nights I was expecting, yet a another painful dreamless night. But very disturbingly I did dream, and the dream went like this...
I saw the world through the eyes of a journalist, the first image I remember form that strange dream, was the image of a plane landing in this sort of a grand, green prairie of tall grass, a prairie that was surrounded, almost like besieged from every side by the dark green tropical forest. The sun was high in the blue sky, then some clouds came, dark black clouds, there was a strong contrast between the dark green of the land, and the dark black of the clouds above the forest's head. Clouds dark black, clouds that where like a sign, a sign of troubled times ahead, of tension. The young journalist got off the plane, and he took a deep breath, I could feel the tension that was rising through out his vines, I could feel that scare that was taking control of him, I knew that some thing was wrong about this place, something was mysterious about this place. He took a deep breath and filed his lungs with the hot air, you know like the hot summer air, the hot summer air just before thunder strikes.
He got out of the plane and in the distance, in the middle of the grand green desert, stood a sign, on which was written these words "Welcome to the Bongo", the sign was covered with bullet marks. He got off and two men, white men came to see him, and in the eyes of one I saw myself some years from now, they didn't say their name, they just said hello. Together with the journalist they took off guarded by what looked to be "Blue Helmets". We penetrated in to the darks of the forest, we could see nothing, and ache and every step, it just got worse, to a point that the light became green, and a fear fulled our hearts. Then the man, through who's eye's I could see myself said "it will, still be a long walk, and the area's fulled with rebels, so you better get moving." I didn't know what really was the situation in the country of "Bongo", but I thought that it must of been like any modern situation in Africa, a rebellion against the central power, a rebellion that started with good causes, but then that became corrupt. A rebellion that had started for the people, and which lately turn against the so called enemies, the others. I was sure that it had to be one of those situations, in which neighbours, friends where turned against one another because they where "different", and that their "differences" where so strong that they couldn't live together. But in the end I knew that it was one of those situations, in which the war was so total, a situation in which the brutality of war was so high, that the sword and the bullet did not make any differences, what was in front of it, or caught between them was dead.
After hours of walking amidst the green jungle, finally the man that everyone just called N, said "ok let's make camp at the top of that mountain". From the top of that mountain we could see all the valley, the great river, and the clear sky, and yet amidst this securing nature, none could sleep....
The next day got up early at the sound of gun fire, N got up and said "I just knew it, they're coming, they're coming, we got to get back to the camp..... NOW.....", for a very long time we ran, and ran through out the jungle, we ran and ran, after hours of panic and stress, of fear, finally we got to the top of hill and from the top of hill we could see near a lake surrounded by the dark forest, a camp that looked like, a refugee camp instill the horizon. It was huge it covered all the land, it was only stopped by the lake on it's left. Tents fulled up ache and ever corner, we could see from the top of that hill, that this was no joke, for god sake this was real. You could feel with the wind, you could feel the need, the hope and yet the fear of all these thousands of souls that where banished from their homes. Many of them had left fugitives without anything, many had seen their families killed in front of them, many had ran to the lake as they called it ,with only one hope, the hope that under a UN tent they would be safe.
We got to the camp and N right away went to the barracks (the Bleu Helmet QG), I fallowed him exhausted by the travel. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned, every corner, every body, every face, every heart, was filled with hopelessness, and yet their eyes shined with expectations, with hope, the hope that they here they where safe, like that the hand of the all mighty would protect them from any and everything.
N got to the barracks and told the men to arm themselves, the men where confused, the men didn't understand, one men said that well N was gone to get us, they had received orders from the director to abandon the camp and leave to nearest high land, and only to shoot, to fight the rebels that where coming to massacre all the men, women, kids, babies, all the faithful, if they attack directly the UN mission. "What do we care for this orders??" said N "For god sake these kids I've seen them grow up, I've seen them cry, but lately I've seen they believe and hope" "I remember the first year I came here, a man came, his wife had been raped and tortured and bleed to death in front of his own eyes. But that man put all of that behind him and walked west, walked instill this lake, with the hope that he could accomplish happiness once again. And today he has a wife once again and he has a family.
"And now us like cowards, we are supposed to cut and ran, and leave all these hopes, the hopes of these men and women and kids, the beliefs of this same people that just some years ago, didn't believe in anything, the same people that only some years ago principle goal in life was to survive not to pursue happiness. Are we going to let their hopes, our values be drowned in the blood of these innocent believers? Are we?. We must take, make a stand here, so that the howl world can see that we are not cowards, we are not heartless, and maybe our stand here will make the difference. Maybe our stand here will be an inspiration for the next generations, they will for sure looked back on this historic moment and what? What will they say?"
"Will they say ohhhh just another dark page of history, will they say that once again our actions here justify that being a coward, is being a human being. Will we give yet another argument for the critics, for those pessimists, that believe that all this dark things, all this horribles attitudes are part of the human race. Or will we make a stand here be remember as those that may have perished but those who stood strong, those who stood tall, in front of a certain death. Because if just one child, one child, a child for example whom was born in the slums of Nairobi, is influenced by our stand, and that same child, years later, stands on a stage and in our names calls for peace and for hope. If just one child does that won't it be worth our lives?"
The night soon fell, the night was a red night I remember, they where coming in the early hours of the mourning we could hear them coming, we could hear the rebels come.
They came, amidst the confusion of the battle, I ran, I ran to be tell the story of this heroic stand, of this fight, the one man's fight to save the world, the fight of men who where just men, men who feared death like all of us, but men who sacrificed their lives, for something that was greater then themselves, something that they believed in, those men they died for a cause, for an ideal, the ideal that we weren't are aren't that different. That peace is the only solution, and that if you have to, to sacrifice your life for a rightful cause, then you better damn do it.
I ran and after days of running as a fugitive, I finally found help in a military base, I read the newspaper there. N was dead, killed during the battle, only a handful of people had survived the battle. But the battle had created an up roar through out the world.....
This the is men I want to be, I want to be like N, and give a voice to those that do not have one, I want to go beyond material riches and I want to find greatness in something that is greater then me. I want to fight and die, if needed, for a just cause. I do not want to live in this modern day live, a live in which we have forgotten those basic values, a modern live in which we mess up what's so simple, and in the meantime a child, a innocent child has died because of a terrible civil war, a civil war that was generated by poorness, by need, by hopelessness. I want to bring hope to the darkest places of this earth, I want to bring belief to the unbelievers, I want to bring hope to that child that's dying and even if he does finally dies, I want to be there in his hours of pain, I want to be there for people. Because too many die, and are forgotten amongst the fog of time. I want to pass on my hope, I want to give my love and care to those that need it so badly, I want to be that man called N that gave his life for something he believed in. I want fight instill death if I have to for the right, the right cause, for the right to change this world, the right to make this world a better place. I don't want to famous, I don't like fame, I just want to carry the hope of people, I want to bring hope to those that promised to hope no more. My wish is not to die, no I would love to life a long life, a long life with a wife, a long life, a life in which I could see my children grow up, I would like to live a long life to be there for my wife and my children. But I guess that if I die, I died fighting, if I die and that people notice my death then probably they will engage in the battle to change this world. Because if I don't do it, who will? If we don't it who will?
My dream ended like it started in a very strange way, I found myself in front of the same prairie. There where no dark clouds, there was no smell of death, there where red flowers, red flowers flied the land.
Sky
I saw the world through the eyes of a journalist, the first image I remember form that strange dream, was the image of a plane landing in this sort of a grand, green prairie of tall grass, a prairie that was surrounded, almost like besieged from every side by the dark green tropical forest. The sun was high in the blue sky, then some clouds came, dark black clouds, there was a strong contrast between the dark green of the land, and the dark black of the clouds above the forest's head. Clouds dark black, clouds that where like a sign, a sign of troubled times ahead, of tension. The young journalist got off the plane, and he took a deep breath, I could feel the tension that was rising through out his vines, I could feel that scare that was taking control of him, I knew that some thing was wrong about this place, something was mysterious about this place. He took a deep breath and filed his lungs with the hot air, you know like the hot summer air, the hot summer air just before thunder strikes.
He got out of the plane and in the distance, in the middle of the grand green desert, stood a sign, on which was written these words "Welcome to the Bongo", the sign was covered with bullet marks. He got off and two men, white men came to see him, and in the eyes of one I saw myself some years from now, they didn't say their name, they just said hello. Together with the journalist they took off guarded by what looked to be "Blue Helmets". We penetrated in to the darks of the forest, we could see nothing, and ache and every step, it just got worse, to a point that the light became green, and a fear fulled our hearts. Then the man, through who's eye's I could see myself said "it will, still be a long walk, and the area's fulled with rebels, so you better get moving." I didn't know what really was the situation in the country of "Bongo", but I thought that it must of been like any modern situation in Africa, a rebellion against the central power, a rebellion that started with good causes, but then that became corrupt. A rebellion that had started for the people, and which lately turn against the so called enemies, the others. I was sure that it had to be one of those situations, in which neighbours, friends where turned against one another because they where "different", and that their "differences" where so strong that they couldn't live together. But in the end I knew that it was one of those situations, in which the war was so total, a situation in which the brutality of war was so high, that the sword and the bullet did not make any differences, what was in front of it, or caught between them was dead.
After hours of walking amidst the green jungle, finally the man that everyone just called N, said "ok let's make camp at the top of that mountain". From the top of that mountain we could see all the valley, the great river, and the clear sky, and yet amidst this securing nature, none could sleep....
The next day got up early at the sound of gun fire, N got up and said "I just knew it, they're coming, they're coming, we got to get back to the camp..... NOW.....", for a very long time we ran, and ran through out the jungle, we ran and ran, after hours of panic and stress, of fear, finally we got to the top of hill and from the top of hill we could see near a lake surrounded by the dark forest, a camp that looked like, a refugee camp instill the horizon. It was huge it covered all the land, it was only stopped by the lake on it's left. Tents fulled up ache and ever corner, we could see from the top of that hill, that this was no joke, for god sake this was real. You could feel with the wind, you could feel the need, the hope and yet the fear of all these thousands of souls that where banished from their homes. Many of them had left fugitives without anything, many had seen their families killed in front of them, many had ran to the lake as they called it ,with only one hope, the hope that under a UN tent they would be safe.
We got to the camp and N right away went to the barracks (the Bleu Helmet QG), I fallowed him exhausted by the travel. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned, every corner, every body, every face, every heart, was filled with hopelessness, and yet their eyes shined with expectations, with hope, the hope that they here they where safe, like that the hand of the all mighty would protect them from any and everything.
N got to the barracks and told the men to arm themselves, the men where confused, the men didn't understand, one men said that well N was gone to get us, they had received orders from the director to abandon the camp and leave to nearest high land, and only to shoot, to fight the rebels that where coming to massacre all the men, women, kids, babies, all the faithful, if they attack directly the UN mission. "What do we care for this orders??" said N "For god sake these kids I've seen them grow up, I've seen them cry, but lately I've seen they believe and hope" "I remember the first year I came here, a man came, his wife had been raped and tortured and bleed to death in front of his own eyes. But that man put all of that behind him and walked west, walked instill this lake, with the hope that he could accomplish happiness once again. And today he has a wife once again and he has a family.
"And now us like cowards, we are supposed to cut and ran, and leave all these hopes, the hopes of these men and women and kids, the beliefs of this same people that just some years ago, didn't believe in anything, the same people that only some years ago principle goal in life was to survive not to pursue happiness. Are we going to let their hopes, our values be drowned in the blood of these innocent believers? Are we?. We must take, make a stand here, so that the howl world can see that we are not cowards, we are not heartless, and maybe our stand here will make the difference. Maybe our stand here will be an inspiration for the next generations, they will for sure looked back on this historic moment and what? What will they say?"
"Will they say ohhhh just another dark page of history, will they say that once again our actions here justify that being a coward, is being a human being. Will we give yet another argument for the critics, for those pessimists, that believe that all this dark things, all this horribles attitudes are part of the human race. Or will we make a stand here be remember as those that may have perished but those who stood strong, those who stood tall, in front of a certain death. Because if just one child, one child, a child for example whom was born in the slums of Nairobi, is influenced by our stand, and that same child, years later, stands on a stage and in our names calls for peace and for hope. If just one child does that won't it be worth our lives?"
The night soon fell, the night was a red night I remember, they where coming in the early hours of the mourning we could hear them coming, we could hear the rebels come.
They came, amidst the confusion of the battle, I ran, I ran to be tell the story of this heroic stand, of this fight, the one man's fight to save the world, the fight of men who where just men, men who feared death like all of us, but men who sacrificed their lives, for something that was greater then themselves, something that they believed in, those men they died for a cause, for an ideal, the ideal that we weren't are aren't that different. That peace is the only solution, and that if you have to, to sacrifice your life for a rightful cause, then you better damn do it.
I ran and after days of running as a fugitive, I finally found help in a military base, I read the newspaper there. N was dead, killed during the battle, only a handful of people had survived the battle. But the battle had created an up roar through out the world.....
This the is men I want to be, I want to be like N, and give a voice to those that do not have one, I want to go beyond material riches and I want to find greatness in something that is greater then me. I want to fight and die, if needed, for a just cause. I do not want to live in this modern day live, a live in which we have forgotten those basic values, a modern live in which we mess up what's so simple, and in the meantime a child, a innocent child has died because of a terrible civil war, a civil war that was generated by poorness, by need, by hopelessness. I want to bring hope to the darkest places of this earth, I want to bring belief to the unbelievers, I want to bring hope to that child that's dying and even if he does finally dies, I want to be there in his hours of pain, I want to be there for people. Because too many die, and are forgotten amongst the fog of time. I want to pass on my hope, I want to give my love and care to those that need it so badly, I want to be that man called N that gave his life for something he believed in. I want fight instill death if I have to for the right, the right cause, for the right to change this world, the right to make this world a better place. I don't want to famous, I don't like fame, I just want to carry the hope of people, I want to bring hope to those that promised to hope no more. My wish is not to die, no I would love to life a long life, a long life with a wife, a long life, a life in which I could see my children grow up, I would like to live a long life to be there for my wife and my children. But I guess that if I die, I died fighting, if I die and that people notice my death then probably they will engage in the battle to change this world. Because if I don't do it, who will? If we don't it who will?
My dream ended like it started in a very strange way, I found myself in front of the same prairie. There where no dark clouds, there was no smell of death, there where red flowers, red flowers flied the land.
Sky
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